It’s been eight days since I caught the dreaded C-word and grounded. My bikes are all sitting here looking as depressed as I am about being left to fester in the makeshift office/gym/trophy room we used to call “the dining room”. I can nearly do the splits again and I’m re-learning the handstands I was so much better at when I was ten, and carried a lot less weight in my legs.
It’s been a difficult pill to swallow. It’s like lockdown all over again. And while the government says I can still go out and be a super-spreader if I wish, we all know it’s bad for business if I go back to work and kill 50% of my vulnerable patients with whatever it is I’m aerosol-ing all over the shop (probably more than most given the general decibel level of my voice…)
Probably the biggest thing I’ve had to learn to live with is FOMO (that’s fear of missing out for anyone that’s been living under a rock for the past decade). But it’s also something my clients have to deal with too.
We’re all busy people. We like our days to be full. Deadspace seems like wasted space. What more could I be doing? You can sleep when you’re dead! What opportunities will I miss? If I don’t go, maybe my whole life will be a disaster… we’ve all had these strange moments of blowing everything drastically out of proportion when we either realise we can’t make an event or we’re trying to find a way to shoe-horn it into our fit-to-bursting diaries.
But sometimes we’re asking ourselves the wrong question.
Instead of focusing on what we’re “missing out” on by not doing something, perhaps we should be focusing on what we gain by missing out on it? Would you gain priceless family time with your rapidly growing kids? Would you gain time for reflection and relaxation for yourself? Would you gain the opportunity to do something more valuable to move you toward your goal?
I’ve been a “yes man”, I think we all need to be at some points; it helps us to find out what we do and don’t like, which opportunities are valuable ones and which are those that we should pass up in the future. I’ve said yes to sponsors, then fired them again because the opportunity wasn’t what I thought it would be. I’ve joined committees and stepped down from them for the same reasons. I’ve launched businesses and dissolved them again realising it’s not the right pathway for me. I’ve changed jobs, moved house, said no to relationships. We’ve all made these difficult choices. And we all feel like the starting of a new page is something very exciting when we’re able to make these decisions and have true autonomy.
But in order to feel this renewed sense of vigour and purpose, that fresh perspective that stops us being dragged down the rabbit hole of “FOMO”, we actually have to start by saying no to things. And the first few times you do it, it’s hard! When I introduce my clients to the idea of protecting their time, they’re pretty crappy at it. Because it’s not something many people do. But if you can be brave enough to really practice the skills of time management and goalsmashing PROPERLY and truthfully, you will soon find that you have everything you need. And all those events you used to get FOMO over, become added bonuses.
Perhaps really, FOMO is about seeking validation and satisfaction externally, instead of looking within ourselves at what we already have, what we’re capable of producing and achieving. Perhaps realising this and then saying “no”, would be the biggest lesson we can teach ourselves…
…that said, you should have FOMO if you’re not in my Paladins community on Facebook. So show up and get involved.