I knew exactly who she was before she introduced herself. And actually, she wasn’t an unpleasant person, rather a mild, kind and chatty lady. Twenty five years since she first uttered the words that stuck with me – forever – and she hasn’t changed a bit.
“I always think you should be able to see a child’s ribs.”
That was it. A comment that she hadn’t announced to make people feel bad, but rather to try and engage in a conversation about health and avoiding the curse of over-eating. And yet, as an eight year old, I couldn’t get past it. I couldn’t really see my ribs. And when I looked back on photos of myself to check I wasn’t completely doo-lally, I wasn’t overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but my body shape just wasn’t what suited this ideology. I was healthy, active, happy, performing well at school. But here I was, standing in a room, over two decades later, almost frozen as I suddenly realised how long this comment had stuck with me and the impact it has had on me. It wasn’t that I developed an eating disorder or that I became depressed or damaged, but hearing something like that at such a formative time in my life has clearly stuck with me and it was the first time I ever remember being body-conscious in my life. I’m shocked when people talk about ten year olds trying to go on diets, but when I flash back to that moment, I understand it completely; being surrounded by adults feeding you the stimuli.
And it got me thinking: How many more of us are there out there, who are harbouring these flippant comments in the backs of our minds and trying to overcome them without even realising how deeply they are tired into our psyche? How many of us can pinpoint the exact trigger that sent us off worrying about how our physiques measured up? Many of us didn’t grow up learning to listen to our bodies. Instead, we absorbed external messages about what we should look like, how much we should eat, and what we had to do to fit into some idealised version of “healthy” or “fit.” And for a lot of us, these messages turned into the driving force behind unhealthy habits, obsessive exercise routines, and diets that made food feel more like a battlefield than fuel.
And so often in my work, discussing some of these early triggers and simply getting them out there, can suddenly unlock that next level of “feeling okay” about food or body image. So this week, I want to look at some of the most common behaviours that people grow up with, that can lead to these warped relationships with food and exercise in later life and more to the point, how we can deal with them.
Common Childhood Triggers That Shape Our Adult Body Image
- “Clear your plate.”
Your parents were well meaning. They wanted to make sure you would grow strong and healthy and they wanted you to appreciate the value of food. But what they also did, was help to switch off the signal you listened to when your stomach said it was full. Which means now, you struggle to finish a meal when you’re full, leading to a regular over-eating tendency. - “This is what health looks like.”
Often, adults try and explain health to children through a certain body appearance – just as I experienced. Unfortunately, this is really short-sighted as children develop at different rates and will be all kinds of shapes and sizes as they grow. What can happen to children of a healthy weight who are motivated to stay healthy, is an obsession with looking a certain way, even if that isn’t actually healthy for them. It can also develop unhealthy obsessions over food and exercise in order to obtain a certain body image. - The Sporty Kid Pressure
If you’ve been pressured in sport as a child, your relationship with food and exercise might have been solely on performance and fuel instead of focusing on the fun of sport and exercise and all the other social attachments to food. This can cause challenging relationships with food and exercise as an adult, where life doesn’t conform to those rules from childhood. - The All-or-Nothing Attitude
Growing up among adults who encourage healthy week days with eating whatever the hell you like on weekends, or partaking in exercise purely to burn off all the indulgences of late, can develop a punish and reward mindset between food and exercise, meaning its much harder in later life to see balance in both training and diet and understand that while the two are linked, they also operate independently of each other in some respects.
The Long-Term Effects: From Childhood to Adult Body Image Issues
These early triggers often result in us developing some damaging patterns as adults:
- Exercise Punishment: Ever caught yourself running an extra 5km because you had a slice of cake? The idea that we need to “earn” our food or punish ourselves for eating “bad” foods gets cemented in childhood.
- Fear-Based Eating: Not indulging in that burger because you’re terrified of gaining weight? Welcome to the fear diet, where food becomes something to avoid rather than enjoy.
- Body Chasing: That constant pursuit of the “perfect” body which can spread into “If I had abs life would be better” or “If I carried less body fat I’d be a better athlete.”
Breaking the Cycle and Healing Your Relationship With Food and Exercise
Here’s the thing: our past shapes us, but it doesn’t have to control us forever. You’re not stuck in the patterns laid out in your childhood, and it’s entirely possible to flip the script.
- Recognise the Trigger: Take a minute to think about where these feelings around food and exercise first started. Was it a specific comment? An environment? Naming the trigger helps you realise it’s not part of who you are—it’s just a narrative you were handed. And guess what? You can rewrite it. That initial awareness is often enough to get the ball rolling at a remarkable speed!
- Shift the Focus from “Should” to “Can”: Stop thinking about what you “should” eat or how much you “should” work out. Instead, start thinking about what your body can do and what it needs to thrive. Food isn’t punishment or reward; it’s fuel. Movement isn’t punishment; it’s a celebration of what your body can achieve. Understanding BOTH, can help you to feel better.
- Practice Intentional Eating and Movement: Think about how food makes you feel and how movement energises you—rather than how much you weigh or how it affects your appearance. It’s a mental shift that requires practice, but it’s also the way to real, lasting change.
- Ditch the All-or-Nothing Mentality: Embrace flexibility. A burger won’t derail your health goals, just like skipping a workout won’t define your fitness. Aim for consistency, not perfection. And remember, balance is where the magic happens.
- Get Support: Surround yourself with people who reinforce positive behaviors around food and exercise. Whether it’s a coach (hey, that’s what I’m here for!), a therapist, or just a solid group of friends who get it—don’t go it alone.
Most parents, educators and adults who work with children are trying their best. It’s important to know that. But sometimes, like us all, they get it wrong. Just like that lady for me didn’t set out to give me a complex about my torso, our parents didn’t set out to give us neuroses about food and exercise. But we don’t get to choose the narratives we’re given in childhood. However, we can choose what we do with them. Those early triggers don’t have to define us or our relationship with our bodies forever. Overcoming body image, food and exercise issues is about rewriting the stories that no longer serve you. By shifting your mindset, embracing balance, and ditching the toxic “shoulds,” you can develop a healthier relationship with food and exercise that supports your life goals, performance ambitions, and overall happiness.
Me? Well, I’m still a little funny about my ribs and the fact I can’t see them. But I recognise it’s not her fault. And that I may or may not ever be able to fully deal with that little gremlin. But knowing it’s there really helps me maintain perspective and make sure I don’t get sucked into a negative spiral when it comes to my body image.
If any of this resonates with you and you’re ready to start working on flipping your own script, let’s connect. It’s never too late to break free from the past and redefine your future—on your terms. Book your free no obligation intro call here!