It’s funny how when we revisit old childhood haunts, perhaps revisiting the house you grew up in or even just hanging out with the family members you use to see every day, that we can quickly revert to our moodswinging teenage selves or perhaps even the toddler tantrums we never really grew out of…I have to say, although my dad always accused me of turning into a teenager the moment I set foot back in his house after I returned from uni, I think I’m over that now…most of the time.
But it’s difficult isn’t it? It’s tricky when you’re invited round for that BBQ with Aunty Mavis and Uncle Morris and they still want to pay you 50p to cut their toenails. It’s difficult when you suddenly realise that horrid dynamic of parent/child has returned the moment your mum asks you to do something helpful. And it can cause a bit of weirdness. It makes you feel unsettled. And we’re all the same.
The older you get, the more exploration you do of your own character and your own development, the more uncomfortable it can be when you return to family and friends who have perhaps remained the same. When you grow and become more comfortable in yourself, others around you sometimes don’t always see that as a positive thing.
I showed up to the annual family pulled pork BBQ over the weekend. It’s funny because I can almost see how much I’ve changed since I moved out and opened the doors onto my own journey and hopefully others see all of the positive changes too. But as always, we have a negative bias and the one thing I came away with, was the criticism “you swear too much”. Right. So of all the things I’ve accomplished, of all the positive changes I’ve made, of all the changes I’ve made in myself and to the world around me, of all the people I’ve helped what you’ve chosen to observe is “you swear too much.”
I don’t give a shit.
It’s words.
If you don’t like my words, don’t read my fucking blog. If you don’t like how I talk, don’t listen to what I have to say. If you don’t want to be around my happy and authentic self, then don’t be around me.
And it’s a challenge. Of course I’m never going to say that to somebody – then again, being authentic to myself, maybe I should?! “There’s always swearing in all your social media now.” Yes, because it’s not for you. I’m not trying to coach my family. This is for my clients. And my clients relate to me, BECAUSE I don’t really care about “foul language”, BECAUSE I see it the same as any other wordy expression.
You will find this on your own journey. You will find that as you gain momentum and accomplish more, as your perspective on the world begins to change, you’ll find your own little groove. And you’ll LOVE IT. You’ll feel happy and comfy. And while this is amazing, it sometimes makes you more vulnerable to the views of those around you. Because you’re probably like me – family and friends are important. You don’t want to alienate them. Of course you care very much about them and what they think. You don’t want to let them down.
But then something like the family BBQ happens. And you have to ask yourself “What’s more important? Changing myself to make others happy? Or singing my own song to bring benefit to the world?”
The answer is clear for me. Because at the end of the day, you can never make EVERYONE happy, in particular, your family. But you have an obligation to live by your own values and make yourSELF happy, because when you’re happy and healthy, you do far more good in the world.
So, from one fully grown child to another; grown ups aren’t always right…